You’re Not Listening Summary: Top 8 Things To Know


Written by The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times journalist Kate Murphy, You’re Not Listening teaches us how proper listening helps us in our growth and innovation. So from what we’ve learned in the book’s Blinkist version, here’s You’re Not Listening Summary: Top 8 Things To Know.


1. LISTENING IS AN ESSENTIAL SKILL FOR EVERYONE

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Listening is more than just paying attention to what someone says or does; it’s also learning what they need to know. And in You’re Not Listening, we learned that even in the age of big data, listening could bring unique insights into what people want.

Furthermore, the ability to pay attention and understand what’s going on around us is fundamental to everything we do in life. Additionally, listening also allows you to know how your actions affect others and helps you connect with other people and overcome social anxiety.


2. BEING CURIOUS AND KNOWING WHAT TO SAY MAKES YOU A GOOD LISTENER

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In the book summary, we learned that in being a good listener, you have to be curious about people and say just enough to show you understand. Listening requires being attentive and quiet and having a keen awareness of what the other person is experiencing right now and where they are going.

Because whenever you try to give advice or make changes to improve someone’s success, it can backfire if you don’t understand their point of view. That’s why you must understand the person’s situation first because it will allow you to better empathize with them, support them and help them get through whatever they’re going through.


3. DON’T ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS THINKING

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In You’re Not Listening, we learned that we should never assume we know what someone else will say. And even if you consider yourself an expert in listening, if you aren’t paying attention to the person you’re supposed to listen to, you are quite possibly setting yourself up for failure.

Because failure to learn from what the other person is telling you is a sign of ignorance, not expertise. Therefore it is always important to never assume what the other person is thinking and just say enough to show that you understand them.


4. ALWAYS KEEP AN OPEN MIND

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In You’re Not Listening, we learned that listening to contrasting views is challenging but crucial. It is a fact of life that not everyone shares the same point of view. Indeed, as individuals, we have our agendas, beliefs, and passions that can color our world’s perception.

Furthermore, listening involves acknowledging that others may have valid points of view, but it is also important not to dismiss their points out of hand. So to be a good listener, you can try to be objective and non-judgmental. You can try to learn as much as you can about them. Because if you lack openness to new information and viewpoints, you will never understand the other person.


5. ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS WILL MAKE YOU A GOOD LISTENER

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In the professional world, being knowledgeable in your field doesn’t guarantee you a job. Most of the time, you need to have connections to get what you want. Listening is about connecting with other people. But sometimes, people often miss out on opportunities because of their lack of listening skills.

In the book summary, we learned that one of the keys to good listening is good questioning. And it all comes down to how your question is structured. Remember that your goal when listening is to keep an open mind and respect the other person’s opinions. That’s why your questions should focus on the thoughts and feelings of the other person.


6. TAKE THE TIME TO PROCESS WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS SAYING

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In You’re Not Listening, we learned that people are often too obsessed with what to say next during a conversation. And the problem with that is it takes your mind off of what matters the most, which is focusing on what the other person is telling you.

So take the time to process what the other person is saying. And if you don’t understand something, don’t worry and just keep on listening. Because the chances are good that you’ll hear more of what the speaker is saying, which will make responding easier.


7. LISTENING IS ALWAYS WORTH THE TIME

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Most people might think that listening only benefits the speaker. But in the book summary, we learned that listening benefits you, the listener, too.

Listening is an art and a skill, and being a good listener is vital to being a successful person. Listening allows you to share your experience, worry, pain, and joy with others. And in return, others are more likely to trust you, help you, and become more attached to you.


8. LISTEN CLOSER TO THE PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU

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Most people might say that they know their relatives or friends well enough. But sometimes, that is not always the case. And in the book summary, we learned that while it is common to feel this way, it might also mean that we’re not really paying attention to them.

That’s why whenever you have a chance to speak with someone on any occasion, make sure that you take advantage of that opportunity. Because even if they seem unaware that you’re listening, they will be able to tell. And the chances are good that you will be able to connect with them in a much deeper way.

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References:

https://www.blinkist.com/en/nc/reader/youre-not-listening-en

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